Just keep swimming

That's what I keep telling myself.  I am trying to keep super busy so I don't have time to think about what is going to happen in 5 more days.  The days just keep flying by and that surgery just keeps getting closer and closer.  I am dowsing myself in Doterra oils to try and calm my nerves, but my stomach tightens to the point that I feel like I'm going to vomit, when I think about what is to come.

   I keep having these dark thoughts that I try and push out of my head, but they keep creeping in.  What if something goes wrong?  I know he will be fine, but I always seem to ask myself 'what if?'  I wanted to get everything done before his surgery, just in case. I got his birth announcements done, we blessed him last weekend and I am trying to kiss and love on him every chance I get.

We were able to go to the temple a few weekends ago.  It was nice to feel the spirit so strong it felt like I was being wrapped in a big hug.  It made it all tho more special to have my parents and 2 of my siblings and their spouses there. I just pray the spirit stays strong the next couple of weeks to comfort me. 

  It's going to break me into a million pieces to hand him off to the anestithioligist.  Then it's going to shatter again when I see him for the first time after surgery with cords and tubes coming from every limb and chest.  I know it's what he needs, I just hate that he has to go through it.  I know they will manage his pain well, but it still breaks my heart! It's depressing to think about, I just need to be focusing more on the outcome.  Man I cannot wait to get this over with!