Our Perfect Angel!

   This going to be an emotional post for me.  I have had many discussions and good crying sessions the past couple of weeks over this.  Don't take this the wrong way, the crying sessions have been very spiritual and humbling, not negative.  

   Well as you have probably read in a previous post, that Jeffersons heart defect is common with Trisomy 21 and he had a 25-50% chance of having it.  We didn't care to do any testing prenataly because it was not going to change how we felt about our baby boy.  We were going to raise him and love him to pieces.  

   The day after Jefferson was born they drew his blood for the genetics testing that would take, the longest 3 days of our lives!  It actually ended up taking 4 days, and like I have said I have no patience, so it was eating at us those long 4 days.  

   Over the 1st 4 days of Jeffersons life, we fell completely head over heels in love with this little guy.  He is so special in every way it is so hard to describe.  He is so tough and hardly ever cries.  Even when he gets poked for more labs, or before every feeding to test his glucose he hardly ever cries.  He is the biggest sweet heart.  I was always worried that Stella being an angel that her little brother had a lot to live up to.  But right now, he has her beat!  

    

   I knew there was a possibility.  I knew there was that slight chance that Jefferson would have Down Syndrome.  His ultrasounds never really showed any signs, other than his body was a few weeks behind schedule, compared to his head.  I didn't get to hold Jefferson till several hours after he wa born.  He was whisked away to the NICU to get on oxygen right after he was born.  After the epidural finally wore off I was able to get into a wheel chair to see my baby.  He was placed in my arms and he opened his eyes to look at me and it hit me.  That possibility of having Down Syndrome just became real.  You could see it in his eyes.  Then the mind game played tricks on me for the next 4 days.  Could he, or could he not have that extra chromosome? 

   I went back to my room and cried.  My stupid mind kept thinking of all of the things he wouldn't be able to do.  I felt like it was my fault.  I felt like a failure because I didn't give Andrew a son that could continue on the Warwood name.  He wouldn't be able to have kids.  He would take longer to walk, talk, run, eat, etc.  After I finally was able to talk to Drew about it he was able to comfort me and help me to understand that he is still our son.  He is one of Heavenly Fathers angels that he sent us because he trusted us enough to raise him.  He is perfect in every way.  He may have an extra chromosome, but he is the most special little guy that we get to have for eternity.  He is our son and we get to raise him and love him to pieces.  

   After that little crying fit, it didn't matter any more.  Every time I held him I fell more deeply in love with him. How could you not love this adorable face? 

Several days later, our NNP came to tell us that Jefferson tested positive for Trisomy 21.  I think he was expecting us to have some sort of reaction.  We had already had this discussion a couple days before so it was not a shock for us.  We knew that the outcome of the test was not going to change anything for us.  He is our son and we love him no matter what.  He is so special and is straight from heaven.  So please, when I say "he has Down Syndrome" do not reply to me "I'm sorry" because I am not sorry.  I feel privileged to be able to raise him.  Every trial and hardship I had previously does not matter because he is absolutely perfect and we would not have him any other way!